Day 44 - Binge monster

First of all, I just want to thank everyone for their comments regarding yesterday's post. I am so grateful to have juicy friends like you. It's really great to have a support group like this and also know that I'm not the only one having these experiences. It's been a tough couple of days, today has not been any different. I have no idea where this is coming from. The Freud-obsessed part of me is struggling to find a repressed desire that is manifesting as a manic desire for solid food... but as Freud once said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar". Sometimes a desire for solid food is just a desire for solid food. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that "this too shall pass".

I'm afraid there was a lot of dipping into the honey jar today. I saw the amount of calories per tablespoon of honey today and was floored! No wonder I spontaneously gained 1lbs out of nowhere! Fuck... I have to fix this.... no more binging on honey! Maybe I'll cut down on fruit juice over the next few days and try more greens. I may try some self-hypnosis to try and repress this habit too. I've always had a lot of success with self-hypnosis.

Today I had:

1.25L water+msm+lemon
1.25L celery/red chard/collard greens/parsley+kelp+E3live
1.25L pineapple/blood orange
1.25L granny smith apple/kiwi (mmm! mmm! mmm!)
500ml Robois tea
500ml mint tea
750ml coconut water
1.00L grapefruit/blood orange/beet
500ml American saffron tea
1Tbsp bee pollen
Probiotics
Lots of honey :( :(

Today I also did:

Skin brushing
15 min rebounder

You know... it's nuts how much liquid I drank today! LOL

Almost halfway done... :) Thanks again everyone... you guys are amazing :)

Kuß!! :)

- Ben

Day 43 - Teenage lust

I had a really bizarre experience today. I went to buy some raw honey from a local guy and then went to the natural health food store to pick up some agave and a few other veggies/fruits. I love the health food store; I always feel like a kid in a candy store whenever I go there. Now, you'd think, while fasting, I would try to be in and out of there as soon as possible. Nope! You'd think I was into S&M or something. I walked through EVERY aisle and looked at all the food with an intense fascination. I was craving everything I was seeing. I was picking stuff up, reading ingredients (is this vegan?) and imagining how it would taste like. There was so much new stuff... tons of vegan indian food too! I even found some unpasteurized sauerkraut! Yep... I wanted to eat it all... I almost turned into the incredible hulk!

I was STAAARVING by the time I left the store; the torture I put myself through was not a brilliant idea. I asked myself "what the hell was I thinking?". I came to the conclusion that I was looking at this food... not to feel strong (as I felt weak).... not out of fascination .... I was in fact LUSTING for that food. I was looking at it....drooling.... with an intense teenage lust I only feel when looking at pictures of Axel Hermann.

I want solid food... REALLY badly. I'm feeling very week today in that department... I feel like I may not reach day 92 (but I know better). Let me rephrase that.... I know I'll do this until day 92... but I don't want to... I just want to sit back and eat 1kg of cashews (not even the raw ones, the roasted salted ones). What the hell happened? I had it together!

I guess that's why I bought that sugary stuff (honey & agave). I got home and had a few spoonfuls of the honey (try not to do this whilst juice feasting... not good!). It momentarily calmed my inner child that just wants yummy things to eat. Fuck... I feel so deprived of culinary experimentation in the kitchen... I love to mix flavours etc.... God... I just want this to be over... and I'm not even halfway done yet. Arrrghh!

Sorry... but you know what... I thought I had to be honest about my moment of weakness. Sigh. Anyhow... rest assured, I didn't eat anything solid yet :P I'm still in this for the long road.

Today I had:

1.25L water+msm+lemon
1.25L celery/spinach/parlsey+kelp
1.25L grape/blood orange/strawberry (I could live on this juice!!)
1.00L cantaloupe
1.00L coconut water
1.00L grapefruit/beet
1tbsp bee pollen

Today I also did:

Fuck all!... housecleaning! LOL Seriously need to do some yoga again... but I worked a 10 hour day today so I was tired! :)

Mit liebe ♥ ! :)

- Ben