I had a really bizarre experience today. I went to buy some raw honey from a local guy and then went to the natural health food store to pick up some agave and a few other veggies/fruits. I love the health food store; I always feel like a kid in a candy store whenever I go there. Now, you'd think, while fasting, I would try to be in and out of there as soon as possible. Nope! You'd think I was into S&M or something. I walked through EVERY aisle and looked at all the food with an intense fascination. I was craving everything I was seeing. I was picking stuff up, reading ingredients (is this vegan?) and imagining how it would taste like. There was so much new stuff... tons of vegan indian food too! I even found some unpasteurized sauerkraut! Yep... I wanted to eat it all... I almost turned into the incredible hulk!I was STAAARVING by the time I left the store; the torture I put myself through was not a brilliant idea. I asked myself "what the hell was I thinking?". I came to the conclusion that I was looking at this food... not to feel strong (as I felt weak).... not out of fascination .... I was in fact LUSTING for that food. I was looking at it....drooling.... with an intense teenage lust I only feel when looking at pictures of Axel Hermann.
I want solid food... REALLY badly. I'm feeling very week today in that department... I feel like I may not reach day 92 (but I know better). Let me rephrase that.... I know I'll do this until day 92... but I don't want to... I just want to sit back and eat 1kg of cashews (not even the raw ones, the roasted salted ones). What the hell happened? I had it together!
I guess that's why I bought that sugary stuff (honey & agave). I got home and had a few spoonfuls of the honey (try not to do this whilst juice feasting... not good!). It momentarily calmed my inner child that just wants yummy things to eat. Fuck... I feel so deprived of culinary experimentation in the kitchen... I love to mix flavours etc.... God... I just want this to be over... and I'm not even halfway done yet. Arrrghh!
Sorry... but you know what... I thought I had to be honest about my moment of weakness. Sigh. Anyhow... rest assured, I didn't eat anything solid yet :P I'm still in this for the long road.
Today I had:
1.25L water+msm+lemon
1.25L celery/spinach/parlsey+kelp
1.25L grape/blood orange/strawberry (I could live on this juice!!)
1.00L cantaloupe
1.00L coconut water
1.00L grapefruit/beet
1tbsp bee pollen
Today I also did:
Fuck all!... housecleaning! LOL Seriously need to do some yoga again... but I worked a 10 hour day today so I was tired! :)
Mit liebe ♥ ! :)
- Ben
7 comments:
Ben,
I don't even have the words to tell you how much I adore you and your blog - one promise, when you are done juice feasting and begin the next chapter of this journey, I will send you the recipes of some very original, very authentic indian food (raw vegan or just vegan, whatever you want)......
You are doing so so well, thanks for sharing these different moments of your life, these touching and inspiring aspects of your shining self......
Much love xxx
Neeta
Ben,
I have totally done the same, also spending my days looking at all the raw food recipe blogs--some crazy masochism, and then taking a nice dip into the honey jar, or two...
I also adore your blog, though Cate Blanchett is more my type.
xo raw b
hey Juicy ben,
Well, I haven't even started the feast yet and I am already feeling pangs of hunger, wanting to gorge myself --just one last time-- intense cravings for all my childhood favorites, and wanting to quit before I start! I think it is just the nature of the beast, but I also realize that it is just a feeling and I have the power to keep it a feeling and let it pass, or turn it into a reality. After the boxing match inside my head subsides, then I turn to gratitude and starting thinking of all the things and people I am grateful for and towards and its like magic, most of the feelings that had overwhelmed me before are either gone or simmered down enough that I lose the "fuck it, I am just going to do it, who cares" feeling. But just remember WE care and are here to catch-up and hold you up 100 and 10 percent!
Good LucK!! And I am with you all, for real starting Saturday! YIKES!
xxkyle
PS: I posted my response to your comment yesterday, so check it out if you haven't already!
Ben,
I went through the same thing around the same time. An occasional royal jelly and coconut butter with a few sprinkles of bee pollen helped satisfy. Those food cravings coming from no where are intense. Hang in there, it will pass.
Terilynn
Hey Ben, I am glad you made it through your challenge today. i know it couldn't have been fun. Good for you sticking it out and thank you for your honesty.
The other day I was overcome with this feeling that I couldn't possibly make it to 92 days. It came out of nowhere. Then I just brought myself back to the moment and told myself not to worry about day 92, just worry about this day. As soon as I thought about it like that, the feeling just melted away.
I wish you a beautiful day tomorrow!
I've been feeling the same, and my desires aren't even specific. I just want to go on an eating frenzy... But I've kept it together! I will go the distance!
I had a cup of chai tea with honey yesterday (didn't even log it, lol)and I think that helped.
You're doing great!
Moi aussi, I get the same thing. I have wasted long hours looking up raw gourmet food porn pictures - then as B so rightly said a dip in the honey and a few pollen sprinkes, a little groan and then back on track. I am glad we all go through this. Its normal, we're dealing with food here, even if we're abstaining from it. Food is emotion, and we need to confront that from time to time. I think you are great, Ben! Lots of love, xx
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