Monday, March 10, 2008

Day 57 - Self love


I think the most amazing thing about juice feasting is the sense of inner peace I am feeling lately. Who knew drinking juices could do that to you. I’m watching less TV, not smoking anymore, I *want* to exercise and do yoga… and I’ve turned into my body in a way that I didn’t even know was possible. I’m communicating with my body like it is a very assertive child that I am taking care of…. I’m receptive to its needs.

I don’t think this inner journey is over by any means. One of the things I want to work on is letting go of feelings of guilt. Guilt is not only unhealthy; it also creates an acidic environment in the body. I need to stop feeling guilty for things. The first thing I need to stop feeling guilty for is forgetting to take supplements and exercising. It’s no big deal. No need for guilt; it won’t change the past. Instead, I just need to focus on doing better tomorrow. That’s it.

I don’t know if juice feasting and this community of juice feasters (that I’ve become so close to) has become a substitute for this but… I no longer feel the overwhelming urge to have a boyfriend. This is MAJOR. I’ve been a little obsessed with this (in a very Ally McBeal-kinda way) for some time. I’m actually feeling really content with being single right now; being with myself and taking care of myself isn’t so bad. I am really starting to love myself, truly and deeply and I think this is the major key to this change; I don’t feel like I need someone else’s love to make me feel worthy of being loved. My own self-love is enough.

Today I had:

1.25L water+msm+lemon
1.25L celery/green chard/parsley+kelp+Himalayan salt+E3live
500ml water+chanca piedra
1.5L pineapple/blood orange/blackberry (yum!)
500ml water+chanca piedra
1.5L green apple/kiwi
750ml apple/spinach/ginger+E3live+Spirulina+Himalayan salt
1Tbsp bee pollen/honey
2Tbsp honey/royal jelly
1tbsp hemp oil+2 Tbsp lemon juice (shot glass style, went down easier)
Enzymes

Today I also did

Acupeds (targeted kidneys)
Zapper (all day)
10 min rebounder
1 hour nap
Slept from 8PM to 5:30PM
Took the day off (felt really REALLY tired and dizzy this morning… said “fuck it!”) Oops… so much for not swearing! :PHousecleaning!

I’m a bit worried that according to David’s instructions (based on some videos and comments of his I read), I should have ended my juice feast about 2 or 3 weeks ago… (based on my current weight and hunger) but then again, I have a major dis-ease that I’m fighting so I think going forward with the full 92 days isn’t a bad idea. My weight has honestly stabilized… I haven’t lost any weight in more than a week. I’m at a stable 142lbs and it won’t budge. I am craving raw foods like crazy though… but I don’t think it’s a real hunger… I think it’s a curiosity… I can’t wait to get back in the kitchen and be creative with foods.

Anyway that’s it for now :)

- Ben

5 comments:

Hanlie said...

That is major, Ben! I think you are filling yourself up with all the goodness in life... It is the best possible place to be, and when you do have a relationship, it won't be out of need, but out of love. That makes for a good relationship, first of all because you are secure, but also because you make wiser decisions when it comes to choosing a partner. Juice feasting really is live changing!

Carrie Cegelis said...

Hi lovely Ben,
I'll be your virtual boyfriend anyday, haha! Your thoughts are so wonderful - thank you for sharing them so honestly! How awesome to take a day off with snow like that outside - must be super cozy.
You are right - guilt is overrated and so unnecessary. Toss it out the window! You are so on top of your life already, you've got nothing to criticize. Anything you want to build upon at this point is all bonus - your level of engagement with your life is beauteous and inspiring, so keep the love coming! If you ever have any doubt, call on any one of your devoted readers!!!
Looking forward to a spring rendezvous....
xx

Lisa said...

Hi Ben,
How lovely having a mid-week day off - enjoy!
Do you mind elaborating on why David thought that you should have broken your feast 2-3 weeks ago? Was that because your cravings were so intense?
Have a wonderful day :-)
Lisa x

Michelle said...

Ben,
I am so happy for you. What a wonderful feeling of contentment you have reached. It is amazing how taking the time to love ourselves can feel so right. As much as I love my family it makes it a bit harder to focus on myself when I have 6 other people who need me every day.

Just imagine how healthy and whole your next relationship is going to be when you begin it from this place of wholeness that you are in, whenever that may be. I am really so happy for you.

Have a wonderful night!

Penni said...

I agree with Michelle. I think once a person become truly whole and complete, filled with love and respect for themselves, the right person suddenly materializes and it is a whole, healthy, and perfectly orchestrated relationship. I think you are in a great place in your life right now. Everything is what it is and you are beautiful just like you are.

xo....Penni